Marti, Bacardi, Gaudi Tour 2007

October 2
Rome

Buongeorno. Ah ama yoh guide, Felipo. Welcome to Bella Roma, mah beeutiful home. Today we will see many wunnerful things.
This are de Spanish steps. Felipo, you may ask, why are this de Spanish steps? Becowz, dey are not de German steps. De are not de French steps. Dey are de Spanish steps, and, she is so becowz de Spanish they musta ava steps. Dey do not ava de escalatohs. So, yoh see, dat is why dese are de Spanish steps.
Dis is de famoos Trevi fountain. Dat great big fellow on de top with the wunnerful beard and no clothes on, de pipples tink he is Neptune, God of the Sea. But, no! He is not Neptune! He isa Nathan de Nudist. You see, he asa no clothes, eh? Why is dat, you may ask Felipo? Becowz, mi ami, dis fountain she is build by Tony Trevi. Now, Tony, he isa fairy boy. He isa jingle bells fella. He isa fruit of da looma. You follo me, eh? Sure, yoh do. So Tony he like very much the big muscle and fine body of Nathan de Nudist and he putta him on toppa his fountain. And, dere you ava it. Is not Neptune like everybody tink. You stick witta Felipo, I tella you alla Rome's secrets.
Disa de Pantheon. She is a bella bella. Raphael, he isa buried here. Ahma great in love witta Pantheon. Now dis here, dis is a fina plaza. You will notice she is long, long anda narrow. She is build on toppa de old chariot race track. De chariot races, dey were lika yoh NASCAR. Dey de NASCAR of de ancients and de chariot drivers dey famoos lika Dala Earn Heart yoh lova, so much. ahma right? Of cowrz ahma right. Ahm Felipo!
Here we are. Dis is de Vatican City, home ofa de Pup. De Pup he liva here and he rule here. We are ina de great plaza St. Peter Square, but asa yoh can see, she is not so square. Sheza kinda round, you know? And you see de porticos, so tall on de great columns and yoh see alla da wunnerful statues ona top? Pipples de tink dese ara de Saints, but, Felipo, you say, dey are. But no, Felipo say, dey ara notta de Saints. Dis is de Wall of Fame of de Cardinals. You see? Dere isa Dizzy Dean. Dere isa Pepper Martin. Dere isa Stan de Man Musial. Dere isa Red Schoendienst. Dere isa Bob Gibson. Dey alla dere. Even Joe Garagiola, who, of cowrz, was a Italian fellow, eh?
And now yoh musta be tired. Yoh are alla old. You get ona train and go back to yoh boat and tomorrow Felipo taka yoh to de Coliseum.
Bonna notte.